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Women.
I am blessed to be a woman.
Blessed that my curves tell a story from yummy food to socialized drinks, or the hard work I put into the gym during my only free time.
Blessed that I am a woman with drive and I see no difference between the position a man holds and my own. I have just as much capability as the next dude and my mind will always let you know it.
I am fortunate that I know I can cry my tears from deep emotions and five minutes later carry myself, because life goes on.
I am happy when the results of my labor, my efforts, for others are appreciated. They don’t even need to necessarily be acknowledged, I just wanna see ya happy.
I am convinced that every woman has super powers, they just need to unlock it.
Women.
I, am complex. Complex in that I love, I lose, and I live and I’ll do it all at the same time with my shoulders back and my chin up.
I am blessed to be a woman. To see the beauty in the most mundane of moments, and the importance of the flexed ‘bigger picture.’ To know the difference between what is real, what is infatuation and what is within grasp. What is for, me.
To know that no matter what, I will be just fine, and my goals go untouched by no one else but my own hands. Everything else in life is a bonus.
I am blessed that I can feel beautiful in my brown skin, but because I know what’s inside.
Comfortable and challenged when I’m alone, but loving and nurturing when I am not.
I am soft in all the right places, and hard when it counts. An attitude when it’s called for, and a ‘kiss one the collar bone’ when it’s not.
Blessed to know that I can breathe life, not just in nine months but into the souls that I touch.
Androgynous by way, feminine in my heart, love by my touch.
Yes, Woman.
“I’m not a boss bitch, I’m a boss, bitch.”
GOFUNDME For Ismael C.
I always bug Ismael during our shifts and tell him I was his favorite, and to shut up at the same time. (I am his favorite)I love the kid! Not only does this hit home because he’s like family, but it also hits home because he’s our age…this could be any of us. He will get through this, but with all our help, strength and prayers. Help do what you can 🙂
“As many of you know who have been to Zel’s Del Mar there is a very good chance that when you walk into the place, even once, you will become part of our extended family. The very heart and soul of our Zel’s family is our amazing staff. From the bartenders to servers, bussers, cooks, dishwashers….they make this place tick.
With that said, we are sad to say that one of our family has been diagnosed with cancer and we are here to ask for help.
Ismael Conde has been a busser and food runner with us for the past 3 years. He is 25 years old and was recently diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). He had been having back pain, which finally became bad enough that he went to the doctor and the next thing we knew he was in the hospital. He called in sick to work two weeks ago and has not left the hospital since. Unlike Chronic Leukemia, AML develops quickly and generally needs immediate treatment so he has started rounds of chemotherapy. The doctors do not know how long he will have to be in the hospital but the hope is that if he is strong enough he may be able to go home in between his chemo sessions.
Ismael is one of the kindest, thoughtful, happiest people we have ever had the fortune to meet and work with. Very quiet and gentle by nature, he will buss your table or run your food out to you before you even knew you needed it.
If you are able, we ask you to help him through this
Go Fund Me Account. Having to go through cancer and deal with doctors’ bills, hospital bills and all that goes with this horrible disease can be overwhelming for anyone. Ismael is a 25 year old young adult, working two jobs in the restaurant industry to make ends meet. By helping him financially during this time perhaps we can help alleviate the stress of not being able to work and worrying about upcoming medical bills so he can focus on getting strong and healthy!
Thank you in advance. We will keep you posted on how he is doing. We are looking forward to having him back with us at Zel’s, so if you haven’t met him already you will get the chance to. He’s a special part of our family !”
–Jenn Powers, Owner, Zel’s Del Mar
HELP DONATE HERE
7/24
Today would’ve been my step dad’s birthday, but he died six years ago.
And today, was an ordinary day. I worked a double, thought about it here and there, said a little prayer, nothing too out of the ordinary.
But of course now that my mind has settled I’m laying here thinking, “wow, it’s really been six years?”
What a love/hate relationship. The most extreme on both spectrums that you could possibly think of. And it wasn’t until he passed that I realized the value of his place holder in the decade that he was in my developing life.
When it happened, I had relatives insensitively say to me, “well I thought you hated him? Aren’t you glad he’s dead?” Or maybe it wasn’t insensitive, I probably gave off that vibe.
It’s been six years. Six. I can remember it all like it was this morning. My first introduction to heartbreak death and true, imminent guilt.
It’s almost 1:30 in the morning, I fell asleep after a double shift at 10pm..and I have work in two hours…but my dreams are keeping me from rest. I woke up to faded memories of what seems like lifetimes ago that I can barely recognize; and a young girl that I so desperately try to bury in a dark past.
It’s weird because every year I fluctuate with how I feel about his passing. Sometimes, most times, I think of him as this positive and enlightening figure and others, I resent him for all the pain I had, and knowingly carry till this day. Does that make me a shitty person?
I couldn’t tell you the last time I told him I loved him, or even when I said it with true sincerity to his face. It’s been the ultimate lesson of ‘it’s too late.’ And now I’d rather be early, than to ever be late again.
But I do know, the last time I spoke with Wayde, was on this day six years ago. I called to ask for my mom, by passed any real conversation with him, and forgot it was his birthday.
A little under a month later, after manically telling my mom before she went to sleep that he had to get ready because he felt like he was ‘going somewhere’…he died on the lying couch before dawn, with his bags packed by the front door.
Tell your people you love them.
RIP Wayde Clifford Powell ❤
Arielle for the Soul
The lights are dim, my eyelids closed heavily against my cheek bones. I breathe through my mouth and I feel the trickle down my shoulders, my back, my legs. Deep, and long heavy inhales, forced and emotional exhales.
In my uphill battle against societies new norm of anxiety, one of the most therapeutic things for me to do is take a shower. Under the water, no one can see me cry. And sometimes, I don’t even notice that I am.
Under the water, the day washes away and whatever moments that have pressed me in the minutes before, seem to fall off my body and down an infinite drain. It’s my favorite form of vulnerability.
My whole being is built off of taking chances. And whether I crash and burn, or strive and succeed, there’s nothing more enthralling than not knowing what an outcome will be. My biggest fear, and my greatest andrenaline pump; the unknown.
People tell me to be more guarded, take less ‘chance’ and go with certainty, but how, oh how, could I ever really know until I find out for myself…with careers, with experiences, with travel, with love. I’ll give it all a chance if given the opportunity. And with a heart so open to it all, you’d think a beat past would keep me from it, but learning early on, over and over…you have to forgive people who aren’t sorry.
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My ex from the ‘Heartbreak Series’ emailed me weeks ago, as you’d guess, apologizing and explaining himself. 392 words of everything, that at one point I had wanted to hear. Just months later. Even small inside jokes, sealed with a yellow heart emoji and almost an invite back into his life.
As gratifying as it was I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the kid. By now, I’ve moved on and as I told him when we gave it a second shot, ‘if you hurt me, I will erase you from my life like you were never there.’ And after seven days, I did. Another life hack I’ve acquired, aside from forgiving the unforgivable, being able to erase people is a liberating feeling.
I read the email probably 10 times trying to decipher how I wanted to approach this. Did I even want to acknowledge it? He didn’t deserve an answer from me, I thought.
But honestly, in the moment I started to type a response in the thread, I instantly felt clarity.
I’m in such a happy place. & I appreciate the apology, I forgave you long before you were ever sorry.
Good luck with everything, pray on it.
I hope you find the peace you look for.
And while I was perfectly okay with never speaking to him again, me saying this, after saying nothing at all when he walked out my door, was the most mending thing I could’ve ever done.
I thought about saying ‘fuck off’ or roasting him for even bothering. But until I could stop hating him, and caring about everything that had happened between us, I could never truly move on. This is key. It’s applicable to every relationship in life, and though I’ve learned this lesson time and time again, with my parents and their past decisions in my childhood, with friends who had turned on me, with anyone, it can be a daunting task that weighs me down more than I realize.
I believe in the truth. I take pride in spilling all my shit out here because there’s no one that can tell me I’m not real. I’ll be the first person to be confrontational and I have no problem answering questions. When I look back on personal connections, I want to be able to say that I have been genuine through and through. I’ve gotten a lot of late apologies like these, and I also haven’t. But I need to be okay with both.
My battle cry now at this point is learning about patience and timing. Much too often have I rushed and tried to reach the finish line just to say that I did. To reach a state of bliss that more times than none is ignorance.
But with it all, I see a pattern. My frustration with career, with relationships. I am not trusting my journey’s timing and I’m not trusting God’s timing. And if I can give my trust to individuals in my small world until proven guilty, why have I not been trusting God?
And on the other side of it, I’m not allowing to just be the role in a person’s life, because just like how they’re a lesson for me, whoever it is or whatever kind of lesson it is, I too am teaching them something. And this goes back to me wanting to be remembered as something good for you.
‘Arielle for the soul,’ or summn’ like that.
I read a meme today, ‘I’ll get over it, I just have to be dramatic first.’ lol, yee.
xoxo,
Air
New me, Old me
Going through some of my old stuff and I re-watched all my Vlogs from Indo. I particularly needed this one and felt it’s still very much so relevant in my heart today. Figuring out how I can get back to that same sentiment, but in the mean time enjoying the nostalgia.
The Midnight Air 